I already feel like a new person

I woke up this morning and looked at myself in the mirror, and already at 50 pounds lost since Jan 1, can almost not recognize myself, i look so different, and i actually have a smile on my face now, I'm loving it, oh my god, i just feel great, i wanted to scream in front of the mirror, it was fun....and my clothes they're already fitting so big, its sooooo nice, i can't wait to start going shopping, but i already have a bunch of smaller sizes to last till at least 250.....and then the shopping spree begins, :) my favorite part about loosing the weight, and I'm really good at buying clothes cheap...i always buy clearance that's marked down even more, so i get some great deals don't like spending more then 10 bucks on a piece of clothing, the other day my mom got me some smaller sized clothes at Catherine's some were 90 cents and some were 4.50, and then she also got me a special dress that was a bit more then i would spend myself but she said go ahead and that was like an 80 dollar dress got it for 40 and then another 10 percent off that cause i used my perks card....I love sales....this is just an amazing feeling i love it, love love love it......i am never going back to that 366 pound girl again, never never never, I'm so happy, I had my therapist appointment yesterday, he thinks I'm doing great and he says he's being selfish cause he still wants me to see him so he can see how i change over the month's, but that its up to me, and I'm like yea defiantly still want to see him cause i know I'm going to be going through so many changes it'll be nice to have a therapist during this time, and plus my insurance already approved me for like 11 sessions this year might as well take advantage. 
Oh the food thing issss soooo hard when you got family all around you eating yummy looking meals though, and I'm eating this liquidy yuckness.....but I'm getting through it as best as i can, I'm usually in the living room and they'll eat at the kitchen table, although sometimes they'll still eat right in front of me.....but I just try not to think about it, its a bit hard, but I'll make it about a week and half more till i can have solids, my hubby said he'd make me an egg before he goes to work on my first day of solids, since i suck at making eggs, he makes them nice and fluffy i make them hard and rubbery. 

Feeling lots better.....but soooo freaken hungry

Well I've been back home from surgery for a while now, just stayed over night, but wasn't able to get on the computer for more then 2 minutes so decided to wait to write till i could stand sitting here longer then that.  I'm doing good, minimal pain, lots of hunger, or thirst i don't know, just waves of weird pain, but other then that just sore.  It actually wasn't as bad as my gallbladder surgery, i think i took it really well, and i also had someone with me this time, my husband stayed the night with me and took care of me, the only times i needed to call someone in was when i was nausious, and ugggg had lots of nausia that was no fun at all..  OH and my poor hubby has to give me injections for 10 days since i got home from the hospital, he really hates doing that but he does good, the needle going in doesn't hurt at all, just when he pushes the stuff in me then it sorta stings a little, its a blood thinner.  I still can't sleep on our bed though, luckily we have a sofa in our bedroom so i've been sleeping on that, and can't really sleep in very many positions basically just one where i'm half on my back works, other then that it hurts, i tried taking a nap on the bed today and nuh uh, not ready, but hopefully soon, each day gets better and better.  I do miss my 9 furbabies, though, can't really let them all in the house at once or they'll hurt me, so we've only let a couple in with me at a time, the more calm ones, and they do pretty good, i'm sure they all miss me like crazy, luckily we have a baby gate in our hallway so they can still see me they just can't jump on me.  and its also been great having my mom here to help, she's been cooking for my hubby, and taking care of the dishes and dogs and stuff, which is nice to have the extra help right now.  My dad is with my great aunt still in houston, they're wanting to move her to a nursing home but she won't eat, she says she'll eat when she goes home, but thats not even true and she can't go back home.  As soon as they figure out that situation then my dad will be driving here to see me for a little bit and take my mom back home with him, and then they'll probably go back to be with my great aunt.  Its been such an ordeal with her, I just hope she's not suffering, and my dad has lots of problems of his own so its kinda hard that he's having to help take care of someone else, it seems like the hospital isn't really doing there job, and its suppose to be a really good hospital, my dad and his sister are having to change her diaper and walk her and stuff.  So back to me again, this liquid phase of the diet really really sucks, i hate it, i'm so sick of all the liquid stuff already....but i have to keep it up for 2 more weeks....uggggg :( no fun, hopefully i'll be strong.  I can't wait till i can eat something solid, it was easier the first few days i didn't feel like eating anything, but now that i'm feeling better, ugggg, i'm really hungry, and i can't stand soup, we got different kinds and blended and strained them, but uggg i just don't like the flavor or texture or whatnot, i tried cream of wheat watered down real good today, its ok i guess, at least i seem to be able to get a bit of that down ok. Oh and as for the shoulder pain right after surgery that didn't last very long at all, it only lasted while i was in the hospital and everytime i walked it went away until it just stayed gone, so that was nice.  And as of today i've lost 14 pounds since surgery day, so thats pretty cool. 

Its getting close

Well its getting closer to that surgery time, its almost 5 pm right now, i have to be at the hospital at 6 am.  I already took my before pictures today and my weight and measurements, been taking all those since Jan 1.  I'm nervous and excited at the same time, i can't believe I'm finally actually going to have my surgery that I've been jumping through all kinds of hoops to have. 
On a sadder note though my great aunt isn't looking so good, my dad said she had her eyes open but she's unresponsive, so as of right now we don't know if she's going to make it, but I'm keeping her in my heart, and hoping for the best, even if that means she leaves this earth sooner and doesn't suffer.  I have to make my peace with it now, and concentrate on myself right now with me going into surgery, i don't want to let myself stress over it to much, I care for her, and I'm worried and everything, but I know she had a long happy life, and she'll get to be with her husband again once she leaves this world.  She has helped me out so much throughout the years, she paid for my 7 years of college, she bought my first 2 cars, she's paying for my surgery, she was there for me when i had my gallbladder surgery and had no other family to help me, She actually has pictures of me in her house, unlike my grandparents....I love them too, but it upsets me that they only have 2 grandchildren but only have pictures up of my cousin....but not my great aunt, she doesn't care what size i am, she just wants me to be healthy, and proudly displays my pictures in her home.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again, cancer sucks.....it takes to many lives and hurts to many people. 
Oh and onto other things, my mom can be so freak en annoying oh my god......seriously.....part of me wonders why i wanted her here for my surgery, at times we fight like cats and dogs and other times we're fine, but man, she can really be a pain in my butt, but i guess it'll be nice to have someone to help around the house while I'm recovering......honestly don't really trust my hubby to do much to help even though he has the next 2 weeks off.....I love the guy lots but he is soooooooooo lazy....
Well i guess I'll end this here.....just passing the time right now......clock is ticking waiting to go in for surgery....can't wait to just have it over with....i really hate pain :(

Surgery Tuesday

Well i'm good to go for surgery, basically when i went to see the cardiologist,he came in the room after all the tests and said well you need to loose weight...but apparantly you already know that, and so he approved me for surgery, so i'm good to go for tuesday, thank god.  Unfortionately though i've been going through some other things, basically the day after i recieved my checks from my great aunt i found out she had a big tumor in her like my grandma had, so my dad took her to houston to go to a cancer hospital and she had surgery and its been stop and go with her, she was in critical condition, and then she went into cardiac arrest and they had to do the paddles on her, and oh man it's just been so depressing and hard, and with all that going on and me having surgery this week, its just been really nerve racking, and scary, and we still don't know if she's going to make it out of all this, plus after the first surgery something exploded in her and the cancer might have spread, but i don't know much about it, and i had to find all that out friday when i was at the airport waiting for my mom to fly in, and the flight was also of course delayed, we had to wait there like 5 hours or something, and when i found out about my aunt being in critical condition i broke down in the airport and started crying and started seeing her face in everyone or at least in a lot of people, it was kind of creepy, i was wondering at that point if maybe she had passed on, but i was glad she was still alive, but i'm like still tossed up, i mean if she does survive, it might not be for that long and she might suffer till she finally just goes, or if she goes now while she's under all kinds of meds its more peaceful and not painful, so its so hard, and neither way really sounds that great, I know she's had a nice long life, but it's still so hard to loose someone.  I just hate cancer, and hate death, and now i'm going into surgery too, and that just makes it so much scarier, i know i'm way younger then her and everything and she's been really unhealthy for a while, but still surgery is scary.....well i just lost my train of thought cause my mom walked in so i guess i'll end this for now, and write more later....

Abnormal EKG and other ramblings

Well I had my pre op testing done last Friday and got the call today Monday that my EKG was abnormal, oh great, this means i have to go see a  cardiologist, after playing phone tag today finally got an appointment with a cardiologist tomorrow.....uggg stressing cause we only have 70 dollars in the bank and i don't know how much the visit is, hopefully it won't be to bad.  I hate being broke...but anyways on to other things, I really don't want my surgery to be changed, I hope everything will be fine tomorrow, I think I've waited long enough already to get this surgery done, not to mention my husband already requested two weeks off of work to be with me, so ugggg, I don't know what to do.  Well all i can do is hope for the best. 
I've already lost 29 pounds since Jan 1, I'm so happy, i just can't wait to lose more.  I already feel more comfortable, i actually had a little space in between my belly and steering wheel in my car...that was nice...i hate when it touches...not comfy at all.  People have told me they notice it in my face, and even in my personality.  I've been like extra hyper lately...bouncing off the walls.  I love having energy, my thyroid levels are finally at a good place and I have a lot of energy now, before i couldn't really do anything, and i was so depressed, it was not fun at all.  I've been running around my house this past month cleaning like crazy and going through things and donating, trying to get rid of clutter, it looks a lot nicer now.
Oh great product alert, you have to try shirataki noodles also known as miracle noodles or yam noodles, they vary from 0 calories up to 40 calories for an entire package, you have to prepare them correctly though...lots of rinsing, because they are in this liquid that has a fishy smell, but it washes away with some hot water, and then cut the noodles with scissors and then throw them in a non stick pan, no need for oil or anything and just heat till there's no more liquid coming out, and then i like to add about a tbsp of minced garlic from the little jars...adds a little flavor, and its great as spagetti pasta or noodles in a stir fry, i even tried a mock lasagna the other day layered the fettucine shaped noodles with ricotta and sauce and ground turkey, and some mozzerella, came out pretty good, even my 9 year old stepson liked it, couldn't tell the difference with the noodles.  Well thats it for tonight, its getting close to midnight and i have my cardiologist appointment in the morning....probably won't be able to fall asleep easily with that on my mind.

The numbers

The problem with the numbers....hmmmmm, well its like when people know that magic number (your weight) they have power over you or something, which is stupid, because its just a number right.  I mean come on, they can look at us and tell we're big, why do they think they have something over us if they know that little (or big) magic number....Thats how my family is, i remember when i had my gallbladder surgery and my great aunt was there for me, well the nurse was nice enough to have me write my weight down instead of saying it out loud while she was in the room....but while I was in recovery, the surgeon told my aunt that magic number.......and oh boy i didn't hear the end of it, she kept throwing it in my face and making faces at me, like i mean come on you saw that i was big, whats the difference in what the actual number was, i don't get it, does it really matter that much?  I also remember when i was younger, and my grandma took me to the doc, well they had only had skinny people scales, and it didn't go up to my weight, and of course my grandma asked right away what my weight was, the nurse just told her it didn't go up to my weight....and when we got back to my grandparents house the first words out of my grandfather were whats her weight?  And of course she had to tell him too that it didn't go up that high, ugggg how embarassing, and i'm pretty sure that was from when i was at my lowest weight too....that doctor's office really had some low weighing scales, i think it only went up to 200 or something....My lowest adult weight was 250, i was 200 in 5th grade.  I just don't understand why the number is so important to these people, sure its important to the doctor so that if you need to have surgery or something they know how much meds to give you, but it shouldn't be important to my family....they see that i'm big, they want me to be less, but what the heck difference does it make what that number is.....  My highest number was 382....and i'm not really sure if that was right or not cause i think that doctors scale was like 8 pounds off....so i think my highest was 8 pounds less then that, but whatever, that was in i think dec. 09.  I was 303 when my aunt went all crazy with the number and kept saying 303....uggggg, just give it a break already lady, I had just had surgery and was feeling miserable i didn't need to be harrassed about the number on the scale...i mean come on.....so thats the number i met my husband at, about 300, or 303 or 297, it was always moving in at those numbers.  And i gained like 30 pounds right away in the beginning cause i started drinking sodas again, and i hadn't been drinking them for a while, and also started eating more then once a day, and started eating out more, and junk food more, when i lived on my own i had a $100 dollar budget for food and toiletries, so yea no extra junk food, sodas, or going out for me when i was on my own....but when i met my hubby....oh boy, we were bad, and its not like we really had money to do that either, but for the first month we lived with his parents, because he was going through a divorce...(not because of me, met him after they decided to split) and they had sodas, and candy and junk food galore, and i didn't have a job or anything, so i was basically just there in their house all day for the month that we lived there, so what else was there for me to do but snack......Well then we moved out, and my weight stayed pretty much at 330 until i found out i had hyperthryoidism...yea i know weird huh hyperthryroidism is the one for skinny people but i had it, go figure, so i had to have my thyroid killed off because we wanted a baby, and the meds for hyperthryoidism aren't safe while pregnant, so we did the radioactive iodine and killed off my thyroid, and after that, oh man was the worst 3 monthes of my life, i was in so much pain, cramps, and spasms all over my body i couldn't move or do anything all summer....it was horrible, i gained 30 pounds, i guess i should be happy thats all I gained....of course i couldn't cook or anything cause i could barely move, so my husband would mainly just get fast food or microwaveables, which uggg not good, and i hate fast food and microwaveables now.  So now i was up to 360, I stayed pretty much at that range give or take a few pounds for the next 4 years.....and now today, Well my weight loss journey started january 1, 2011 at 366 pounds, I gave up sodas and Buffets, and now today April 5, 2011 I weight 342, which 16 of those pounds were lost the past 2 weeks with the pre op diet the surgeon is having me do, which consists of 5 slim fast items, shakes/bars, and a light dinner, meat and veggies, 1200 calorie. 

Surgery Date April 19

Well its 2 weeks till surgery, i'm getting really excited, i've lost 24 pounds so far since january 1, I got my pre surgery testing scheduled for this friday. my great aunt is sending me the money to pay for the surgery today, so i should get it later in the week.

Well some backstory....i was originally going to have the lapband, well i went through all the jumps and hoops the insurance required but yet they still denied me....so that got me thinking of having the gastric sleeve instead, but of course the insurance didn't cover that even if i did try to appeal the denial....so i asked my family, my great aunt and grandparents if they could chip in and help me pay for the surgery, and i waited half a week for their answer, and they said yes, and so i finally got my surgery date, and started my pre op 4 week diet, they are having me do the slim fast diet, lost 16 pounds the past 2 weeks.....so thats pretty good,
i did cheat a little, especially this weekend, i had a slice of pizza on saturday, and some chocolate on sunday and also went out to dinner sunday at a japanese restaraunt had eel sushi, which was really good, first time i had tried it....on a big sushi kick lately, and they also had my favorite lemon chicken, oh it was soooo good, me and my husband shared the lemon chicken and the sushi rolls. So thats going to be our new favorite restaraunt when i'm all healed up and can go out, i figure if we share and i take home leftovers it'll be fine to have a special treat once in a while..

Failure Friday, January 14, 2011

Failure

This dieting thing is so freaken hard, I've done really really bad this week, after a really good week last week and i just failed this week, i really don't know what happened, monday i just started craving things like crazy, then again this week is that time of the month and i always get crazy cravings during this time, usually for coke, but i quit sodas so that is 1 thing I at least have still been doing good at, i haven't touched a soda since last year, and i don't plan on touching another soda either. The problem is i've mostly been snacking on to many things, i need to try to forget about snacks and just focus on 3 meals a day, but thats hard to, i don't usually like to eat breakfast, and i haven't really been picking the greatest things for breakfast, like today i way way went overboard and ate some chili i had leftover from lunch yesterday with some cheese dip and some chex mix and 2 orange pillsbury rolls, oh my god did i go overboard and now i feel like total crap, my stomach is killing me, and part of me wishes i could just puke it all up, but i'm not going to go down that road, i chose to eat it so i have to suffer the consequences and deal with the calories and the stomach ache that comes along with it. I need to figure out why i eat this stuff and try to train myself not to eat it anymore, i mean i have egg beaters egg white stuff in my fridge i could have cooked me up some egg whites, with a half a grapefruit, or some greek yogurt blended with frozen bluberries and a packet of splenda but no i went the easy route and just microwaved stuff that was in the fridge, oh but i had to use the oven to make the orange pillsbury biscuits, i guess at least i only ate 2 and not 4 or the entire container worth, but they're still there calling my name.....but at least my stomach is so stuffed i can't put anything else in my mouth, and by the time i am ready to eat another meal they will have gotten cold and i don't really care for them anymore after they've gotten cold, they loose they're charm and i'll be more likely to save them for after dinner dessert for my husband and stepson for tonight. Oh and the chili i ate was wolf chili with no beans, the regular kind, ugggg, when i go shopping again and buy chili i have to remember to get the wolf brand turkey chili which is like less then half the calories as the regular one and tastes just as good, i also need to remember not to eat it with a bunch of chips or crackers, just get maybe a serving size of whole wheat crackers to go with it or eat it by itself would save the calories, see i know what i need to do, i know what foods i need to change, but if i have it in my house i don't like to waste food, at least i sent my parents home with most of our bad foods when they were here for christmas, but they ran out of room in there truck for me to give them all of it, so of course rather then throw it away i'm using it up....maybe i should just gather all the unhealthy non parishables and donate them to the women's shelter here in town, that would probably be a better idea then using them up myself.

My Turkey Chili Recipe Thursday, January 13, 2011

My Turkey Chili Recipe

Turkey Chili

Ingredients:

Ground Turkey 2-3 pounds

Turkey Bacon 6 slices (if your not a bacon fan just don’t add bacon J)

Onion, med. Chop 1 ¼ cups (use more or less depending on your taste)

Garlic, minced 1 TBSP. (I use the little jar pre-minced garlic)

Ground Cumin 1 ½ TBSP.

Ground Chili Powder 1 ½ TBSP.

Paprika 1 TBSP

Back Pepper 1 tsp.

Salt 1 tsp.

Rotel (do not drain) 2 10 oz cans or 1 28.5 oz can (depending on how much tomato and pepper you want in your chili, also can use mild or hot depending on what you like.)

Tabasco 1 TBSP.

Worcestershire Sauce 1 ½ TBSP.

Beef Broth 1-2 Cans (depending on how liquidy you like your chili)

Sugar 2 TBSP. Or Sugar Substitute Equivalent

Olive Oil 1-2 TBSP

Directions:

1. Saute Ground Turkey until brown. Make sure turkey is completely broken up, no big chunks.

2. Saute Turkey Bacon until cooked. Cook onions in Olive oil until soft, add garlic and cook briefly. Add Turkey to onion/garlic mixture. Stir in cumin, chili powder, paprika, black pepper, and salt.

3. Stir in Tabasco, Worcestershire Sauce, Beef Broth, Sugar (or sugar substitute), and rotel. Cook mixture until it boils; then turn down to low simmer and cook about 2 hours Stirring occasionally to keep from scorching.

4. Taste and Adjust seasoning, serve with shredded cheddar and chopped onions, or sour cream.

Alternate way of cooking, follow steps 1 and 2 and then add to a slow cooker along with the rest of the ingrediants in step 3 and cook on high for 2-3 hours or on low for 6-7 hours.

Lost 8 pounds Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Lost 8 pounds

Yay I've lost 8 pounds so far, with the diet i started january 1, i stopped drinking sodas and i joined this website called my fitness pal, and its great, you type in what you've eaten and how much and it shows you how many calories you've had, and you can also type in your workouts, and keep track of your weight, its a really neat and helpful website.
Well tomorrow is my first appointment with the lapband people for this year, and hopefully everything will be moving along smoothly, i'll see what else they may need me to do before i can go in for surgery, but i'm really hoping i can get in there soon. i've already been waiting a year for this so i'm really anxious. I think it will be exciting to start my new life.
When i saw that i had lost 6 pounds i did a little happy dance, and then 8 pounds and it was like cool, i just hope it doesn't come to a halt, i'm sure it will slow down though cause its been a pound a day this first week. last week i worked out 3 days 10 min each day that i worked out, since i'm just starting i didn't want to over do it. This week i raised it to 12 minutes and hoping to workout at least 4 days this week, 1 down so far.
1 of my goals is to be able to find some jeans without elastic, non stretchy, with a button and zipper, oh that would be nice, i miss jeans. I can only wear stretchy with no button and zipper now....size 32...ugggg....
Another goal i want to achieve would be able to walk up stairs without being winded and without having to take 1 step at a time, meaning right now i have to walk up 1 step with both feet and then up the next, i can't do 1 foot 1 step the next foot the next step like a normal person and it really sucks....
I would also like to feel more comfortable behind the wheel when driving, i don't really drive anywhere right now cause i do not feel comfortable behind the wheel i'm being crushed behind it and its hard to get comfortable and i also get side spasms sometimes when i drive and thats no fun at all.
I would also like to be able to shop at stores like lane bryant and torrid and ross, which yes the first 2 are plus size clothing, but yea even when i loose a buttload of weight i'll still be plus size. Right now i can pretty much only shop at catherines cause there the only place i've been able to find that actually goes over size 26-28. and there way expensive, but i only buy when stuff is on clearance.
Oh and yes i have my special treats in mind for when i hit certain milestones after surgery, after loosing a 100 pounds i plan on getting a makeover and getting me a nice outfit, and also doing a 3 session workout with a personal trainer to figure out what kind of workouts i should be doing at that point.

Well i guess thats all for now...

It's Finally 2011 Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The following is a blog I wrote from another Blogger account i had that i'm getting rid of.

It's Finally 2011

Well I started the lap band process December, 2009, did the 6 month supervised diet, from Jan-June, and then was told i had to wait till the next year because the insurance needed five years of weight history, and i did not have any for the first year because I had just quit my job and moved so I didn't have any insurance to go to the doctor till I married my husband which was in the very end of 2006. And then I did the Psych Evaluation, and found I needed to see a therapist before I could have surgery, needed 8 sessions, luckily I was able to get that taken care of before the new year, so now its the new year and they told me i have to go to a different doctor to have my weight in cause they can't do it, so I scheduled an appointment with a local doctor to weight me for this Friday-soonest i could get. After that they'll schedule me to see a Nutritionist and figure out whatever else i need to take care of before they send in the paperwork, and then finally they'll send in the paperwork to the insurance company and i have no clue how long that takes to hear back from them, but hopefully it's quick, cause i really want to get in and have my surgery already. Oh I also found out a couple months ago that i have a hernia as well, so they're going to be taking care of that when they put in the lap band, i figure that's better then having to go in two separate times for surgeries. So as prep for my upcoming surgery I've given up Soda's and Buffet restaurants. both of which my husband and step son are saddened by. I also started working out, only 10 minutes a day right now, cause i am so out of shape...and I'm going to be going to the gym (24 hour fitness) and do swimming exercises as well.