Surgery Tuesday

Well i'm good to go for surgery, basically when i went to see the cardiologist,he came in the room after all the tests and said well you need to loose weight...but apparantly you already know that, and so he approved me for surgery, so i'm good to go for tuesday, thank god.  Unfortionately though i've been going through some other things, basically the day after i recieved my checks from my great aunt i found out she had a big tumor in her like my grandma had, so my dad took her to houston to go to a cancer hospital and she had surgery and its been stop and go with her, she was in critical condition, and then she went into cardiac arrest and they had to do the paddles on her, and oh man it's just been so depressing and hard, and with all that going on and me having surgery this week, its just been really nerve racking, and scary, and we still don't know if she's going to make it out of all this, plus after the first surgery something exploded in her and the cancer might have spread, but i don't know much about it, and i had to find all that out friday when i was at the airport waiting for my mom to fly in, and the flight was also of course delayed, we had to wait there like 5 hours or something, and when i found out about my aunt being in critical condition i broke down in the airport and started crying and started seeing her face in everyone or at least in a lot of people, it was kind of creepy, i was wondering at that point if maybe she had passed on, but i was glad she was still alive, but i'm like still tossed up, i mean if she does survive, it might not be for that long and she might suffer till she finally just goes, or if she goes now while she's under all kinds of meds its more peaceful and not painful, so its so hard, and neither way really sounds that great, I know she's had a nice long life, but it's still so hard to loose someone.  I just hate cancer, and hate death, and now i'm going into surgery too, and that just makes it so much scarier, i know i'm way younger then her and everything and she's been really unhealthy for a while, but still surgery is scary.....well i just lost my train of thought cause my mom walked in so i guess i'll end this for now, and write more later....