Listed Items On Ebay For Sale

Just letting you guys know I'm cleaning out my closets So i'll Be listing Items for sale on Ebay.
Plus Size Clothing Lot 2X-3X
Plus Size Clothing Lot 2X-3X Lot 2

I will Be adding more soon.

A few Projects I've made

I have more projects I'll be adding but these are three projects that I took basically nothing and turned it into something.......from trash to treasure.  I really enjoyed making each of these projects and I love researching different projects I can try.  Love the idea of reusing and re purposing materials that would otherwise be tossed in the garbage and turning it into something beautiful or something use able.

1. A cross I made for my mother in law for mothers day.  Here's where I got the idea

2. Paper Beads. How to make paper beads.

3. Ribbon Storage.  Took a regular box and modpodged it, painted it, added holes, added dowels and voila ribbon storage.

update on herbalife diet and Venting about the past week of HELL

As of today 6-27-13 I have lost 16 pounds doing the herbalife diet, so I'm proud of myself no matter what horrible monsters  might have to say.
I have not been doing it every single day, I have days that are "cheat" days, I save those days for days I'm going to be out and about and stuff, but even on those days I try to watch what I'm eating and not snack throughout the day.  With the sleeve my problem isn't a big meal in one sitting, cause i really can't eat a really big meal with the sleeve, but you can end up snacking throughout the day which is not good, I have been trying to avoid snacking since I've been doing the herbalife diet, there have been times when I have gotten upset and snacked, unfortunately I'm an emotional eater and so that really sucks, but luckily this time it only lasted 2 days and I was able to pick myself back up and brush myself off and tell myself no I don't want monsters to cause me pain and put me down anymore, I'm better then them, and I need to just concentrate on myself and be proud of myself, and not worry about what anyone else thinks of me.  People that only know how to put other people down obviously have very low self esteem and self worth.
I have been through a really tough week this past week, first one of my poor dogs gets horribly hurt, she sliced her side open and we never found what she hurt herself on and we looked all over the yard and house, luckily she's doing ok, she got stitches and stuff but she's a champ, she's so loving and sweet i hate that she got hurt like that, my poor little girl.  Then the same week i get attacked by a monster of a woman, which you can read about in my previous blog.....She was a good friend of my mother in law's and i met her for all of 5 seconds, and she slammed me on facebook saying all kinds of horrible things about me mostly aimed at my weight.  This woman did not look much smaller then me either and her daughter was also extremely overweight, but like i said before she most likely has no self esteem and no self worth to be talking horribly about people the way she did.  The funny thing there were two other witnesses to the entire thing, the lady who's house we were at and my mother in law, and both thought that everything she wrote was utter garbage and lies, my husband even read it and told me that doesn't even sound anything like me.  This woman made me out to be a monster just because i let her daughter know that i was already buying this bin from the lady and her daughter was going through everything putting her hands on everything, so yea i let her know (politely) that i already told the woman i was buying it, and of course that made me a monster telling her daughter she can't have something.  My husband told me she's probably one of those women that never tells their child no, so how dare someone tell her daughter no.  So because of that she attacked me viciously about my weight and that I was going to go and gorge on all the food I just bought and stupid things.  First off all this stuff in the bins this woman sells is organic and healthy, everything in the bins consisted of nuts and olive oils and things like that, not junk food, not garbage, not something someone would sit down and gorge on even if they did stuff like that.  Not to mention I also try to give away some of the stuff when i buy it, to a friend and to my mother in law if there's anything gluten free I always make sure and give it to my mother in law, and stuff, or if i have a lot of extras of something I give them away, I DO NOT gorge on olive oil and dry whole wheat pasta and coconut oil......hmmmm I don't know that anyone would gorge on that stuff, but ok.  It was a really low blow too, this woman doesn't know anything about me, my doctors have told me not to kick myself if I don't loose the weight, I'm on so many meds and yea some of them can cause weight gain, my gastric sleeve doctor told me not to kick myself if i don't loose or even if i gain, that just try to keep my ms under control .  My neurologist told me i can only workout/walk for 2-5 minutes a day, so yea that was an extremely low blow for that woman to say anything about my weight when I have been told by doctors to not worry about that that's the last thing i should worry about right now.  This woman is just pathetic, and she's gotten into fights with my mother in laws other friends, and talks horribly about them behind their backs but yet they still want to stay friends with this monster, god knows why, with friends like her who needs enemies.  Unfortunately my mother in law also said some bad things about me to this woman.....she wanted someone to vent to and she vented to a monster of a woman....I don't mind if she wants to vent about things that piss her off about me but please i beg of her to find a more trustworthy friend to do such things, I mean i have to vent about her at times and i have a friend that I trust 100% to never tell her things I'm venting about. One of the things that really pissed me off is she told this woman i don't let my husband drink sodas, and this woman went off on that, like its any of her business what I allow in my house.  And by the way its not that i don't let my husband drink sodas, he made a promise to me when I had the gastric sleeve surgery that we would both quit sodas together, hell his mom has diabetes he really doesn't need the extra sugar so it really hurt me that she would say anything bitching about that kind of thing, and of course before this awful woman attacked me he was messing with me at my mother in laws house saying he wants a mountain dew.....and his mother knowing our agreement told him he's a grown man go get one if he wants one.....oh that pissed me off so much, I really wish he would have told her then and there about the promise he made to me but no he's to much of a chicken S*&^ so yea I'm made out to be a horrible monster because i don't allow my husband to have a mountain dew oh my god.........I have asked him to sit down and talk to her and let her know that when he says stupid things like he wants a soda while we're at her house that he's just messing with me.....and tell her that he made a promise to me and that means something.
So after all that crap....the very next day after getting attacked my that horrible woman.....i got taken out into the hallway at my stepsons birthday party and basically got scolded by his mom saying that I did this that and the other and I'm looking at her like what....and trying to explain myself and of course she wouldn't let me speak at all.......because whatever her son says is truth no matter what........well after that I sat my husband down and told him he better sit her down and tell her EVERYTHING.  And finally after years and years of me telling him he needs to sit down and tell her everything he finally does.......and we find out that my stepson is a big giant liar to all of us and most of his anger and lies and put at me, that he's telling his mom i did this or that or said this or that that never happened and he comes to us telling us his mom did this or that or the other and that she says these horrible things about me all the time and that never happened.......she got him to admit he was lying about what she "attacked" me about at his party.  It really makes me feel like utter crap to know that all those horrible things he said his mom said were actually coming from him......it was bad enough he was "repeating" stuff like that but for them to actually have come from him makes it that much worse and that much more painful for me.  He was apparently trying to break me and my husband up in a really stupid manner, for some reason he thought talking horrible about me and his mom to each other would break us up and my husband would want to run back to her even though my stepson said all these horrible things about her.....he didn't really think that one threw very well.  Sorry kid I'm in it for the long haul whether you like it or  not.  We're going through fertility treatments to try and have a baby and everything and he knows about that but yet he thought he could break us up by saying mean things about his mother....OMG its the most pathetic stupid ploy I have ever heard.  But now because of all this we find out from his therapist he has dissociative  disorder or something.....so now we have to coddle him and treat him like a baby.......after all the horrible things he said to and about me that part makes me extremely sick to my stomach, but I'll do what I have to do and just get through it.  Oh and all that happened a week before we'll be getting him for a month.....so yea that's just the cherry on top of the big pile of sh$t

Horrible people in the world

https://www.facebook.com/diane.canturico

This woman is absolute garbage.  Uneducated piece of C@#$.  She doesn't have any humanity in her, she's the absolute lowest form of garbage there is in the world.  She is a nasty heartless, careless thing.  I feel absoultely sorry for her daughter for having to live with a mother that is absolute garbage.  She complains all the time about people whinning and complaining, yet she turns around and whines and complains about those people and says nasty things about everyone on her facebook including her own family.  That is ultimate trash right there.  She acts like one of those high school girls that are always mean to the big girls....but yet this B$$%# is a cow, she thinks she's all skinny and miss know all everything god, She's not, she's trash, and one day Karma will kick her in the rear and maybe then her eyes will open at the horrible way she treats people.

My Herbalife Recipes

Note: I’m not a distributor or anything, I just ordered my herbalife on amazon, so doing it on my own, decided to try it after talking to a lady about it at a church craft fair.  The link for the herbalife is just the generic main herbalife site.  Also I use Netrition  for my Torani Syrup and PB2 and other products because I have found them to be pretty decently priced and you only have to pay one $4.95 Shipping and Handling fee for however much you order so I think that’s pretty awesome. 

Update: I have lost 10 pounds already in under a week.

Herbalife Drink Mix Recipes

Chocolate Peanut butter Yumness

2 Scoops Herbalife Vanilla powder  

1 Cup Skim Milk (or liquid of choice)

½ Cup Ice

1 TBSP Chocolate PB2 

1 TBSP Vanilla Sugar Free Torani Syrup

1 TBSP Chocolate Sugar Free Torani Syrup 

1 TBSP Chia Seeds 

Instructions: Blend and Enjoy. 

Note: I have a Vitamix and I absolutely love it, it makes everything nice and smooth.

Acai Berry Goodness

2 Scoops Herbalife Vanilla Powder 

1 Cup Skim Milk (or liquid of choice)

½ cup Ice

½ Cup Frozen Blueberries

1 scoop Acai Berry Freeze Dried Powder 

1 TBSP Vanilla Sugar Free Torani Syrup 

1 TBSP Raspberry Torani Sugar Free Syrup 

Instructions: Blend and Enjoy. 

Note: I have a Vitamix and I absolutely love it, it makes everything nice and smooth.

My Blue Heaven

½ Cup Milk

½ Cup Water

½ Cup Frozen Blueberries

½ Cup Ice

½ TBSP Flax Seeds 

½ TBSP Chia Seeds 

2 Scoops Herbalife Powder 

1 Scoop Greens Gold 

1 Scoop Organic Freeze Dried Acai Powder 

1 TBSP Torani Sugar Free Vanilla Syrup 

1 TBSP Torani Sugar Free Raspberry Syrup 

Instructions: Blend and Enjoy

Strawberries and Milk

½ Cup Milk

½ Cup Water

4-5 Small or 1-3 Large Frozen Strawberries

½ Cup Frozen Blueberries

½ Container Strawberry Greek Yogurt

1 TBSP Flax Seed 

1 TBSP Chia Seed 

2 Scoops Herbalife Powder Vanilla 

1 Scoop Greens Gold 

1 Scoop Organic Freeze Dried Acai Powder

1 TBSP Vanilla Sugar Free Torani Syrup 

1 TBSP Raspberry Sugar Free Torani Syrup 

Instructions: Blend and Enjoy

Pineapple Delight

½ cup water

½ cup milk

1 cup Ice

½ TBSP Flax Seed

½ TBSP Chia Seed 

2 Scoops Vanilla Herbalife Powder 

1 TBSP Vanilla Sugar Free Torani Syrup 

½ cup pineapple chunks plus juice

½ container pineapple flavored Greek Yogurt

Instructions: Blend and Enjoy

No Milk Added

1 cup ice

1 cup water

½ cup Acai Berry Juice

1 Scoop Greens Gold

2 Scoops Herbalife Vanilla Powder

1 TBSP pVanilla Sugar Free Torani Syrup 

1 TBSP Raspberry Sugar Free Torani Syrup 

½ tbsp Chia Seeds

½ tbsp Flax Seeds 

Instructions: Blend and Enjoy

Trip to Indiana and starting Herbalife

Just a quick little update on what’s going on in my life; We went to Indiana for my stepsons wedding, it was such a beautiful wedding, we all love his new wife, she’s the sweetest person you’d ever meet.  We were gone about a week, stayed in Memphis on the way to and on the way back, first time my husband and I have ever taken a vacation.  It was fun, did lots of shopping, found pay by the pound Goodwill's, ended up getting 2 coach purses and 1 vintage Prada, which was pretty cool, and went to antique malls, I love antique malls, they have such neat things, and lots of hidden treasures.  Found lots of goody bags filled with jewelry and beads, I love going through that stuff and sorting it into usable jewelry and stuff I can use for crafts, so that’s been fun. 

We got back a few days ago and I decided way before the trip that I was going to start the Herbalife diet when we got back.  I got my shipment in the mail yesterday and for the two days before I got it I used slim fast that we already had in the house.  We both gained 10 pounds on the trip, that’s what happens when you eat out for every  meal for a week, yuck.  Well I’m pleased with my results so far, in just the three days I’ve taken off 8 of those pounds, so I’m really happy. 

I’m going to be adding some recipes for my Herbalife shakes in the next week or so, only made three so far, I want a few more variations before I add the recipes.  

80 Questions

80 Questions

I was just surfing the web and ran across this page 80 questions, thought it sounded fun so here it goes I'm going to answer all 80 questions and then go to bed.

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Closed.
2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?  Yes.
3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?  Tucked under my feet only.
4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No.
5. Do you like to use post-it notes? Sure.
6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? Of course.
7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? This one is hard, I'm gonna say big bear, just get it over with lol.
8. Do you have freckles?  a few on my shoulders.
9. Do you always smile for pictures? No.
10. What is your biggest pet peeve? Rude People, that think they know everything about everything but won't actually sit down and do the research.
11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?  Might have once or twice.
12. Have you ever peed in the woods? When I was a kid.
13. What about pooped in the woods?  If I did it would have been when I was a kid but I don't remember, so not sure.
14. Do you ever dance, even if there is no music playing?  No, I have no rhythm even when there is music playing lol.
15. Do you chew your pens and pencils? OMG I used to do this all the time when I was in school, the teachers would take my pencils away in elementary school, I've probably done it as an adult as well.
16. What size is your bed? King Size.
17. Is it ok for guys to wear pink? If they can pull it off more power to them.
18. Do you still watch cartoons? Yes, just watched The Croods the other day, really loved it. And of course also watch Southpark, Family Guy, The Cleaveland Show, The Simpsons, loved the Rugrats when I was in High School.
19. What's your least favorite movie?  U-Turn uggg it was awful, I almost walked out of the theater when I saw that one.
20. What do you drink with dinner?  Water or Crystal lite.
21. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?  BBQ sauce or Sweet and Sour Sauce or Honey Mustard, depends on where I get the chicken nugget.
22. What is your favorite food? Lemon Chicken.
23. What movies could you watch over and over again and never get sick of them?  Twilight, New Moon, Breaking Dawn, Eclipse, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
24. Last person you kissed/kissed you?  My Husband.
25. Were you ever a girl scout?  No.
26. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?  If the price was right lol.
27. When was the last time  you wrote a letter to someone on paper? I have no clue, it's been awhile.
28. Can you change the oil on a car? No.
29. Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Nope.
30. Ran out of gas? No.
31. Favorite kind of sandwich?  Leftover Thanksgiving Turkey Breast.
32. Best thing to eat for breakfast? Egg Sausage Potato and Cheese Tacos.
33. What is your usual bedtime?  Bedtime...Whats That? lol Sometimes I try to go to sleep when my hubby does other times like tonight at almost reaching 1 am I just go to sleep when I feel like it, which I'll be doing when I'm finished with these questions.
34. Are you lazy? I have MS some people might think that means I'm lazy but no, I'm just in pain or have really bad fatigue.
35. When you were a kid what did you dress up as for Halloween?  Only costumes I remember is once as a witch and once as either a vampire or a zombie not sure, with the plain jane costume it could have been either, just messed up my hair and wore black and put light colored makeup on.
36. How many languages can you speak? 1.
37. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? No, they're a waste of money, I usually just look at the pictures and don't read the articles, so I'll only get them every now and then.
38. Which are better Legos or Lincoln Logs?  Legos.
39. Are you stubborn? Of Course.
40. Ever watch soap operas?  Not really, in college there was one I watched for a short time, don't remember which one it was though.
41. Afraid of heights? Yea.
42. Sing in the car?  I hum in the car, and most of the time it ends up being a Christmas song lol, I don't know why.
43. Dance in the shower?  No.
44. Dance in the car? If they're playing my Jam.
45. Every used a gun?   Just a water gun.
46. Last time you got your portrait taken by a photographer? I think when I was 20, my dad had a bonfire with the picture......but that's another story.
47. Do you think musicals are cheesy? No, I love musicals.
48. Is Christmas stressful?  YES.
49. Ever eat a pierogi?   Yes.
50. Favorite type of fruit pie?  Lemon.
51. Take a vitamin daily?  Yes.
52. Wear slippers?  No.
53. Wear a bath robe?  No.
54. What do you wear to bed?   Nothing.
55. Wal-Mart, Target, or Kmart?  Wal-mart.
56. Nike or Adidas? Nike.
57. Cheetos or Fritos? Cheetos.
58. Peanuts or Sunflower Seeds?  Sunflower Seeds.
59. Ever take dance lessons?  No.
60. Ever won a spelling bee? No.
61. Have you ever cried from happiness?  Yes.
62. Regularly burn incense? Eww No, They don't agree with me, they make me sick. 
63. Ever been in love? Yes.
64. What was the last concert you saw? I have no idea, probably was when I was in High School one of the summer or winter jams.
65. Hot tea or Cold tea?  Cold Tea.
66. Tea or Coffee?  Either, but have to be in the mood for it.
67. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes.
68. Are you patient?  No.
69. Ever won a contest?  Yes.
70. Ever have plastic surgery?  No.
71. Which are better, black or green olives?   Don't care for either.
72. Can you knit or crochet?  No, but I'd like to learn.
73. Do you want to get married?  I am married.
74. Do you have kids?  No.
75. What is your favorite color?  Purple.
76. Do you wear shoes in the house? No.
77. Who would you call first if you won the lottery?  My Husband.
78. What's the first thing you do when you go online? Facebook.
79. Do you like sushi?  Yes, but only the deep fried kind.
80. What are you doing tomorrow?  I have a doctor's appointment, my yearly with my gastric sleeve doctor, not looking forward to it.

Craft Project #1 Key Holder

Last night I stayed up till about 1 am to work on a craft project, a key holder.  I bought the key holder at a thrift store and knew I wanted to do something creative with it, I just hadn't gotten around to doing anything yet, so last night I decided to have a little fun with it, and broke out my crafts in my new craft room, well I've had the craft room since we moved into this house in June just re arranged it a bit this week so its a more effective and use-able space.  Pictures to come later, of the craft room once its a bit more organized.  I know my pictures aren't the best quality with the best background but I never claimed to be a professional, I'm just a bored housewife who likes to do crafts, hope to be adding more projects soon.

                   

This is the beginning of my craft project, this is how it looked when I bought it.

This is just another angle.

This is the side.

I took some all purpose red paint and brownish paint, mixed
them with a little glitter and here's how that turned out.

Modpodged a pretty shape that fit perfectly on both sides from
some scrapbook paper I have.

This is just another angle with it painted.

Had to add some pretty bling.

The finished side after modpodge dried.

Another angle with the bling....not quite done yet.

This is the Finished product with all its pretty bling.

Just another Shot of the finished product, haven't hung it up
yet, I'll have to take a picture when I hang it.

Living with MS part 2 and TTC

Well I had my second visit with my neurologist, anything they can do do help my symptoms they can't do because I'm trying to get pregnant and the meds aren't safe to take while trying to get pregnant, but also found out one of the meds to help my symptoms causes seizures if you don't take it exact, I'm sorry but F#$# that.  I'd rather have the symptoms i have now then throw seizures on top of it, I suck at taking my pills at the exact same time every day i just can't seem to get in a habit of doing it and its a three time a day pill, so at this point in my disease i wouldn't take it even if i wasn't trying to get pregnant.  
They had me do a walking test, the regular pace was OK, but then they have you go fast, ended up hurting my ankle, luckily only for a minute, and got really dizzy and spacey and lost my balance alot so that sucked but its part of this stupid sucky disease.  I got really off balance when i had to walk putting one foot in front of the other, uggg, after all the walking and standing tests i felt out of it, dizzy, off balance, i basically felt drunk.....
My right leg has been hurting so much the past week or two, i don't know what to do, i was in bed crying last night in a lot of pain couldn't sleep it was awful.  I can't really do much, I was going to spend the day out of my house today but only ended up spending a couple of hours out.  I had a doctors appointment, and my  mother in law picked me up after at my husbands work and i went to her house for a little bit, we watched a couple episodes of law and order svu and then went to lunch at Cheddars.  Just doing that my leg hurt so much and my feet felt really heavy, so i just asked her to bring me home. We were going to join them at Jason's deli tonight for dinner with the ham club but just couldn't handle staying out for that many more hours, i was also starting to feel pretty fatigued which is just not fun at all.  

Well onto another subject.....Had my OB appointment today, found out yet again I did not ovulate.  My husband and I had discussed stopping for a couple of months if I wasn't pregnant this time, but we didn't end up talking to the OB about that, she told us she's going to up the dosage of Clomid up to 200 mg next time, so I'm just basically waiting to start my period.  She said there's still a possibility that I ovulated later and the blood tests were done to soon or something, but I'm not holding my breadth.  We were really hoping to be pregnant.  The doctors say that being pregnant will help with the MS symptoms so that's a bonus, unfortunately after giving birth you have more of a chance of having an attack so that sucks.  This was our fourth round on clomid, next step is injections, which I'm sure are expensive and we'd have to save up for.  I haven't really noticed any real bad side effects from the clomid so that's good at least.  I'm also taking Metformin, the ob said it would help too, of course i forget to take it sometimes though so that sucks, i usually take at least 2 a day, suppose to take 3 but i forget a lot.  I'm also taking Maca which is just a natural thing, I don't know that much about it, people suggest it in trying to conceive groups and my OB said is was safe to take so why not, I'll try just about anything at this point.  Me and my husband want to be parents so bad, it just seems so unfair that it hasn't happened.  I was thinking about my baby that i lost last night when i went to sleep, There are days I wish i hadn't of ever gotten pregnant, and then i think then my baby would never have existed if even for a moment, I got to be happy for 5 days, and then that was it, I found out I was going to loose my baby and it took a toll on me and still does to this day.  It just sucks that I still haven't gotten pregnant, its been over a year since the loss and nothing.  I'd rather not get pregnant again then have to go through another loss, I just can't handle it.  I need something happy in my life, all I've had has been pain, physical, mental, emotional, My entire life has just been heartbreak and pain, and trauma and just awfulness, the only good thing I have is my husband, and I just want to make us a family and have our own little baby.  

                        My New House

My View From My Backyard

Living With MS

First off let me say Living with MS SUCKS.
I hate this disease and I hate the fears associated with this disease.
Everything is harder, I can't do the things I used to be able to do.
Doctors are now going to ASSume every symptom I complain about is MS even if its not.
I can't go grocery shopping without hurting.
Most places are to hot for me, even if they feel comfortable to someone else, its to hot for me, even just a half drop in my temperature and I "freak out" and my neurologist says this is NORMAL.
Whats NORMAL anymore?
Life as I once knew it is over, and all I have left is this shell of a life I'm living in.
I don't have my health.
When I get overheated it starts with pins and needles feeling all over my back, and then my hands start to swell and then the numbness that never went away in my hands gets worse, and more painful, and then my whole body starts to hurt, I have to get in cool air, infront of an airconditioner or fan in order for it to stop hurting, once my body temp goes back down I'm fine.
The action of simply walking hurts my hands and arms and back.  I have a pretty big lesion right in the middle of my spine that swells whenever I do to much, and unfortionately to much is not very much, simply walking to the end of walmart to where the milk is can cause me pain.
My Brain is foggy, and I'm forgetful ALOT, this sucks.  I'm pretty sure I've had the foggy brain since I was 25, things just started to seem more difficult.  Its harder to concentrate or remember things I've read.  Just playing a board game with my family gives me problems, the other day I was playing with my husband and stepson and I could never remember when it was my turn or who I went after, see the game we played before we went clockwise, but for some reason they decided to go counterclockwise with this second game and every single time it was another turn I'd have to ask if it was mine because I forgot who I went after, and that really sucks.
I'm scared of what the summer will bring the heat is very scary for me, although the winter isn't exactly the greatest either because to many places have their heaters way to hot even on days its not at all cold outside so going anywhere is like suffering because of the heat.
Itchiness sucks, your skin just feels yucky, no other way to really explain it.
My eyes go numb when I cry, think of when you go get your eyes dialated and that numbing stuff they put in there that feels just awful,well thats how my eyes get when I get emotional, it sucks.
My right leg throbs, I can't go to the movies without it hurting my leg, I always have to sit behind a bar so my legs can be up otherwise if that area is full of people I have to leave and get my money back because I just can't handle sitting in one of the chairs where I can't put my legs up.  Which also means its hard for me to drive, haven't really driven much since I've been diagnosed back in aug, I only go to my therapist which is only about 5 min away, but today I found out driving about half an hour is way to much for me and my right leg starts throbbing so bad, it just hurts so much.
Just doing household chores is hard, folding hanging putting up laundry, can't do it all at once, have to take breaks in between so much.
Sweeping hurts my back.  Doing the dishes feels awful on my hands because of the numbness.  Touching towels or paper towels are just awful but you have to touch that stuff, but anything with texture hurts my hands and just feels awful.
I've been noticing a bit of balance issues, sort of walking like i'm drunk every now and then, that sucks, luckily I haven't had any falls, really not looking forward to that.
I get dizzy every now and then, the room starts spinning and I just have to close my eyes and put my head down, luckily this doesn't happen as often as it did when I first got out of the hospital.
Having to take daily injections really sucks, at least I have my husband to give them to me.
There are days that I just want to crawl into a hold and not come out.  There are days I just cry and cry because of this awful disease.  There are days when I ask why me?  But then I think Why Anyone?  This is an awful disease, and it has the ability to be all diseases in one, and can destroy someones life.
I'm afraid every day of the next attack, when it will be, what it will be, what new disability or symptoms or meds will i have to endure?  I hate living my life every day in FEAR.  I don't deserve this, no one deserves this disease.  This is a living hell.  All I can do is wait and pray that tomorrow I'll be ok.  And maybe one day they'll find a cure.

My First Round of Clomid

Well we had our first round of fertility meds this month, or technically last month, Cycle started November 12, 2012, started clomid 50 mg November 15, 2012.  I don't think I'm pregnant, I'm having all the symptoms that I'm going to start my period.  The fertility doctor did give us hope though, we went in for blood tests last week and saw her Monday, she said it looked like we ovulated and my progesterone levels are where they should be to get pregnant, so that's good news, and made us both happy.  I don't want to get down and discouraged because I'm not pregnant the first try, I keep telling myself don't get upset, try to be happy, the doctor is helping and telling us everything is working good, we just gotta wait and see what happens.  So if I'm not pregnant this time, we go back to see the fertility doctor on the third day of my new cycle.  That's when she's going to start us on 100 mg of Clomid, I've been praying, and praying, not only to be pregnant but to have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby that lives to a ripe old age.  I want to be a mom more then anything in the world, I just have to put it in God's hands and pray that everything works out for us.  This month is hard, last year I found out I was pregnant on December 15, 2011, only to find out I was going to loose my baby on December 20, 2011, I only got 5 days to enjoy my pregnancy, I was so happy for that five days, it meant the world to me to finally be pregnant after trying for so long.  Then for that baby to be torn away from me was the worst pain I've ever endured.  The baby I lost will always have a special place in my heart, I will always remember them even though I never got to hold them in my arms, I held them inside me.  I know one day I'll get to hold that baby, I know there's people up in Heaven looking after them till I get there.  The only solace I had in it was that it was an early miscarriage, not that it makes it any less painful, but it was less extreme on my body mind and soul.  I had just minor spotting.  My HCG levels started dropping the doctors didn't know why, I wasn't treated to good by the doctors either....I've since changed OB's.  It took about 2 to 3 months of weekly blood tests for the miscarriage to finally be over, that was extremely difficult on me having to go there and see all the pregnant women in the waiting room, it was so heartbreaking.  The only bleeding I had was for about 5 days of spotting when we first found out we were going to loose the baby, after that I didn't have a period till one month after my HCG levels came back normal.  We've been trying since then with no luck, so we decided to go back to the fertility doctor we saw two years ago, before I had the gastric sleeve surgery she was trying to help us, back then I wasn't having periods or ovulating, I'm now having regular periods and by the sound of it ovulating, so hopefully with the meds we'll conceive a healthy happy baby.    

Everything is Hard

Well its been awhile since i've posted, been through alot this past year, it'll be a year soon since i found out i was pregnant last year and 5 days later found out i was going to loose the baby.  We still haven't been able to get pregnant again.  My weight keeps creeping back up on me.  August my body went numb, and i went to the emergency room, stayed in the hospital for a week, only to find out I have multiple sclerosis, as if everything else i've already been through wasn't enough i got this shoved in my face.  I'm absolutely heartbroken, i feel hopeless, I'm in pain physically and emotionally, everything is hard for me.  We got told we couldn't adopt because of the ms diagnosis at least not for a year from when we told the adoption people, because of a major life change....so we changed to cps which we haven't heard back from, we keep trying to contact them and no ones telling us anything, so no clue if they've even got our paperwork from the original adoption company we were working with or not, it seems hopeless.  I haven't wanted to leave my house the past several weeks, i've been really depressed, and last week my upper arms started hurting and haven't stopped, they feel sore and they feel raw when rubbed up against something like my clothes or couch or something.  I have to take daily injections for the multiple sclerosis, most of the numbness went away, except for in my hands, so anything with a texture pretty much hurts to touch.  We started fertility meds (clomid) this month hope to get pregnant and have a healthy baby, i go in for blood tests tomorrow to see if i ovulated.

Picking up the Pieces

Well I've began to get my life back together, "picking up the pieces" of a broken me.  I've had some tough times the past 6 months, been heartbreaking and traumatic and painful, and numbing.  Now I'm finally able to get back on track, I've started working out again, I've been to the gym everyday this week, Mon, Tues, wed, Thurs.  I was sure on Monday that i was only going to be able to do max of 10 min on the elliptical and then be to worn out to do anymore....well 10 minutes goes by like a breeze, and i ended up doing 33 minutes and 2 miles, then Tues i did 40 min and 2.4 miles, wed i had a doc appointment and other things going on but still managed to get to the gym and had time to do 30 min and 1.6 miles, Thurs was the best, i was able to do 60 min 3.6 miles, i have never been able to do that much without taking breaks in between i was so proud of myself, and not one single day was i to sore or anything, i felt good, i did water aerobics/swimming after each workout and moved in the pool the entire time tried to be in the pool for 40 min to an hour each day, the day i had the doc appointment i was only able to do 20 min, but still moved my butt off in the pool.  Then after all that working out Monday and Thursday i still had energy to go grocery shopping and parked further away for that extra walk, and on Monday even ran back to my car, me running wow, that was really amazing, I'm going to have to start going to the park with my step son and we can run around the park together and my hubby will be left behind, poor babe he gets all upset when we leave him behind, so we try to slow down for him and then he'll cheat and take shortcuts....he's so bad.  The food is still a little bit of an issue, not eating as bad as i was when i was going through severe depression though so that's good, just eating a few to many high calorie snacks, i really have a weakness for peanut butter and chocolate, I don't eat any chewy or hard candies those hurt me alot, no skittles, lolly pops, star burst, twizzlers everything like that hurts inside my stomach, so i stay away from that stuff which is really good, but unfortunately chocolate goes down without a problem, but i try not to keep it in my house, the problem is i spend a lot of time at my mother in laws and she really loves her candy, so she's got a cookie jar type of thing filled with mini candy bars, i usually try to stay away but when I'm there the entire day they start calling my name, especially the Reece's cups, most of the other stuff i can avoid most of the time, but like i said peanut butter and chocolate are my weakness.
Well I've lost 4 pounds this week so I'm very happy, I can't wait to get into our new house, I'm going to make a healthy menu plan each week and hopefully follow it.  Plus I'll be making more of a routine schedule for my day to day activities including working out.  I have an elliptical at home and wii fit and tons of videos so some days i can work out at home and some days I'll go to the gym and right now is the best going to the gym cause they have an indoor pool which i love, its a bit of a drive about 40 minutes away or so, but its worth it for that indoor pool and plus when i go to the gym i try to "kill 2 or 3 birds with 1 stone" so I'll go to the gym and then go to a grocery store that's only in that area, Aldis for example they have some really good prices but the one around my gym is the closest to us, and also going to the movies or the mall after working out is great too the mall is like across the street from my gym so its perfect, some days i get dropped off at my mother in laws and we do a whole day together which I'm going to start adding the gym into our routine.  I can have my hubby drop me off at the gym and my mother in law can meet me there, and we can workout together or go swimming together, and then we usually have a nice day out where we go to the movies and lunch sometimes with other friends too which is nice, and then we just hang for a while and Tues and wed we have ham radio get together and wed pot luck at church, oh pot luck at church is going to be my cheat day cause they always have such good food, and i bring dessert typically since i live kinda far its hard to bring hot food, so i figure if i see a really neat dessert recipe that i want to try but i don't want to end up with so much at my house for us to eat its perfect to make it for the potluck and then i can only have a small amount and the rest gets eaten up for the  most part, so far I've had enough to save for my stepson for Fridays which he likes.
Well that's all i have for now, I'm going to try to start writing in this blog again on a regular basis.

Loss and off track

Well its been awhile since i've written anything, been having a really tough time lately, backtracked on my weight loss because of a lot of bad things happening right after the other, i'm hoping to get my life back on track and continue with my weight loss.  I lost the entire reason i even had this surgery and it hit me hard, i went into really bad depression where i didn't even want to get out of bed moreless watch what i was eating and exercise, I lost my baby, the only reason i had this surgery was so i could get pregnant, so thats been extremely hard on me, and i'm at a point now where i hope we can get pregnant again and i hope everything will be ok next time around but loosing my baby made me feel so utterly hopeless and hurt, i have my 1 year follow up this thursday, it'll be a year since surgery, and the most i had lost was about 95 pounds....well i've gained some of that back and now its more like maybe 75 pounds or so loss, and the surgeon wanted me to have been at 150 pound loss, well i'll just explain to him the crap that happened the past six monthes and just hope he doesn't roll his eyes at me like my family practitioner did, yes i realize life happens...shit happens, but my god it was one thing after the other for six monthes straight, with a few deaths, lots of loss, and heartbreak, and pain, and trauma, it was just to much for me to handle, i just stopped caring about the weight loss, and now i've joined a church, i've made friends, and i have a support system, and i really do hope to get back on track, well thats all for now....i'll try to continue writing on here, maybe it will give me hope and support.

Weekly Menu Plan oct 31, 2011 to nov 6, 2011

Weekly Menu Plan for October 31, 2011 to November 6, 2011

Monday

Zatarins dirty rice with ground turkey and fat free refried beans.  Turned that into tacos with corn tortillas and some shredded cheese, have tons of leftovers for lunch tomorrow for the both of us.

Tuesday

Did most of the cooking for the week today.  First off I froze the leftovers from yesterday, I had it for lunch, hubby took leftovers from Sundays meal for lunch, and froze the rest of the dirty rice, and mixed in the leftover beans, will be able to get 4 more individual meals out of freezing it.

I’m slow cooking a small brisket in BBQ Sauce, can serve that on a slice of toast with some mashed potatoes.  I made 2 packages of mashed potatoes, 1 package to go with the BBQ beef and the other for another meal.  I also made a boxed sweet and sour chicken stirfry, added some frozen veggies and mixed in the rice.  I cooked up 3 chicken breasts and used half for the stir fry and the other half for a casserole, I cooked up a box of stuffing and added in a can of corn and the other half of the cooked chicken and baked it in the oven and then added some cheese and let sit in the oven for a few more minutes to melt the cheese, and going to serve this with the other packet of mashed potatoes.  I ended up having that for lunch with some leftover cranberry sauce from Sundays meal. 

So for dinner tonight we’ll be having the BBQ brisket with a slice of cheddar cheese on a slice of whole wheat toast.

Wednesday

Michael is taking some of the sweet and sour chicken stirfry for lunch today. 

Going to have the stuffing casserole for dinner tonight. 

Thursday

Made enchiladas with turkey chili, chili beans, 10 corn tortillas, velveta cheese, and cheddar cheese on top.  This I had for lunch and dinner. 

Friday

Today we took Skaro to a no kill shelter, we had been trying to get him in for the past 2 months, and he got adopted within a few hours, it was so hard having to leave him, I was crying so much and just holding him and then they took him from me, and we left, and a few hours later they emailed us to let us know he got adopted already, so that made it a little easier on me that he found a home so quickly. 

We went to lunch after taking Skaro, because we were in the same town we had to pick Brandon up in, and its an hour and a half away from home so pointless to go back home, after lunch we went to see Harold and kumar in 3D, it was a really good movie, nice to see something funny after going through something sad. 

Then we picked up Brandon and let him know about Skaro, of course he understood because he already knew we were trying to find him a new home. 

So for dinner we had a smorgousboard of leftovers, put them out buffet style and we each had a little of everything. 

Saturday

We Grilled up some Turkey wieners (note: last of our wieners we had in the freezer, we’re cutting wieners out of our diet for  a while now.) and some chicken and made some ravioli pasta with some white sauce (Note: I wasn’t really a big fan of the Ravioli, and I don’t really like white sauce so I only had a single ravioli) and grilled up some small potatoes, and also grilled 2 turkey burgers, we each got half a turkey burger. We had that for lunch and dinner.

Sunday

Leftovers from Saturday for lunch and dinner.  Decided since we had so many leftovers we didn’t go out to eat after dropping off Brandon like we usually do.  And also have plenty of leftovers for both of us for lunch for Monday as well.