Living with MS part 2 and TTC

Well I had my second visit with my neurologist, anything they can do do help my symptoms they can't do because I'm trying to get pregnant and the meds aren't safe to take while trying to get pregnant, but also found out one of the meds to help my symptoms causes seizures if you don't take it exact, I'm sorry but F#$# that.  I'd rather have the symptoms i have now then throw seizures on top of it, I suck at taking my pills at the exact same time every day i just can't seem to get in a habit of doing it and its a three time a day pill, so at this point in my disease i wouldn't take it even if i wasn't trying to get pregnant.  
They had me do a walking test, the regular pace was OK, but then they have you go fast, ended up hurting my ankle, luckily only for a minute, and got really dizzy and spacey and lost my balance alot so that sucked but its part of this stupid sucky disease.  I got really off balance when i had to walk putting one foot in front of the other, uggg, after all the walking and standing tests i felt out of it, dizzy, off balance, i basically felt drunk.....
My right leg has been hurting so much the past week or two, i don't know what to do, i was in bed crying last night in a lot of pain couldn't sleep it was awful.  I can't really do much, I was going to spend the day out of my house today but only ended up spending a couple of hours out.  I had a doctors appointment, and my  mother in law picked me up after at my husbands work and i went to her house for a little bit, we watched a couple episodes of law and order svu and then went to lunch at Cheddars.  Just doing that my leg hurt so much and my feet felt really heavy, so i just asked her to bring me home. We were going to join them at Jason's deli tonight for dinner with the ham club but just couldn't handle staying out for that many more hours, i was also starting to feel pretty fatigued which is just not fun at all.  

Well onto another subject.....Had my OB appointment today, found out yet again I did not ovulate.  My husband and I had discussed stopping for a couple of months if I wasn't pregnant this time, but we didn't end up talking to the OB about that, she told us she's going to up the dosage of Clomid up to 200 mg next time, so I'm just basically waiting to start my period.  She said there's still a possibility that I ovulated later and the blood tests were done to soon or something, but I'm not holding my breadth.  We were really hoping to be pregnant.  The doctors say that being pregnant will help with the MS symptoms so that's a bonus, unfortunately after giving birth you have more of a chance of having an attack so that sucks.  This was our fourth round on clomid, next step is injections, which I'm sure are expensive and we'd have to save up for.  I haven't really noticed any real bad side effects from the clomid so that's good at least.  I'm also taking Metformin, the ob said it would help too, of course i forget to take it sometimes though so that sucks, i usually take at least 2 a day, suppose to take 3 but i forget a lot.  I'm also taking Maca which is just a natural thing, I don't know that much about it, people suggest it in trying to conceive groups and my OB said is was safe to take so why not, I'll try just about anything at this point.  Me and my husband want to be parents so bad, it just seems so unfair that it hasn't happened.  I was thinking about my baby that i lost last night when i went to sleep, There are days I wish i hadn't of ever gotten pregnant, and then i think then my baby would never have existed if even for a moment, I got to be happy for 5 days, and then that was it, I found out I was going to loose my baby and it took a toll on me and still does to this day.  It just sucks that I still haven't gotten pregnant, its been over a year since the loss and nothing.  I'd rather not get pregnant again then have to go through another loss, I just can't handle it.  I need something happy in my life, all I've had has been pain, physical, mental, emotional, My entire life has just been heartbreak and pain, and trauma and just awfulness, the only good thing I have is my husband, and I just want to make us a family and have our own little baby.  

                        My New House

My View From My Backyard

Everything is Hard

Well its been awhile since i've posted, been through alot this past year, it'll be a year soon since i found out i was pregnant last year and 5 days later found out i was going to loose the baby.  We still haven't been able to get pregnant again.  My weight keeps creeping back up on me.  August my body went numb, and i went to the emergency room, stayed in the hospital for a week, only to find out I have multiple sclerosis, as if everything else i've already been through wasn't enough i got this shoved in my face.  I'm absolutely heartbroken, i feel hopeless, I'm in pain physically and emotionally, everything is hard for me.  We got told we couldn't adopt because of the ms diagnosis at least not for a year from when we told the adoption people, because of a major life change....so we changed to cps which we haven't heard back from, we keep trying to contact them and no ones telling us anything, so no clue if they've even got our paperwork from the original adoption company we were working with or not, it seems hopeless.  I haven't wanted to leave my house the past several weeks, i've been really depressed, and last week my upper arms started hurting and haven't stopped, they feel sore and they feel raw when rubbed up against something like my clothes or couch or something.  I have to take daily injections for the multiple sclerosis, most of the numbness went away, except for in my hands, so anything with a texture pretty much hurts to touch.  We started fertility meds (clomid) this month hope to get pregnant and have a healthy baby, i go in for blood tests tomorrow to see if i ovulated.