July 1, 2011 Pics and Measurements

I'm listing my old clothes that don't fit anymore on Ebay, if anyone is interested you can find them at  http://myworld.ebay.com/leslieanntexas/  I'll be adding more as I get smaller, I only have 3 listings right now, but i have a ton more to list, so keep watching out for new stuff, I have alot of stuff still with tags, or new without tags, or gently used. 
I'm a bit late in posting this but the pics and measurements and weight were all taken on the first of this month.

July 1, 2011

Weight:  289

Measurements

Waist: 54

Hips: 59

Breasts: 52 1/2

Ankle: 11

Wrist: 7 3/4

Thigh: 30 1/2

Neck: 16 3/4

Upper Arms: 18 3/4

Clothing Sizes

Dress: 2X-3X 22-24

Pant: 3X-4X 26-28

Skirt: 3X 26-28

Shirt: 22-26 2X-3X can even fit into some size 18-20s

Down 80 Pounds and Feeling Great.....But Sugar Cravings are NO fun

Well I've lost 80 pounds, I'm at 286, and I can go shopping at so many different stores now its really awesome, i love to shop.  I've been doing good at the gym, going from being able to only do 30 seconds on the elliptical to now doing 16 and a half minutes (1 mile) on the elliptical, is really amazing.  I can't wait till i can do more, I would like to take some of the classes my gym has to offer, but i know i'm not in enough shape right now, there's just no way i would be able to keep up.  When i get to 250 or so I'm going to get a couple of personal trainer sessions at my gym so i can know how to kick up my workouts a notch. 
Food issues are still really hard for me, i hate it, i wish i had some of the problems with food that i hear alot of people have, but i have no problems with anything really, salad makes me gurgle a bit though, and i think popcorn gives me a weird feeling, but i have never puked, or had anything come back up, not to mention its really hard to get down to just the 3 meals a day that my surgeon wants me on, and at my support group meeting yesterday the dietician said you should have 3 meals a day plus 2 snacks, and i know your suppose to listen to your surgeons guidelines, but i wonder if the 2 snacks would help.  I seem to be fine when i'm busy, i don't think about food or anything, but if i'm home not doing anything like today, it seems to be all thats on my mind, and yes of course i did bad already and its only noon, i did good this morning, i had a 250 calorie breakfast or so, mostly protein, but then after a while i started thinking of the icecream in the freezer, and i kept telling myself no i don't need it no don't get it, ugggg, and then of course i ended up getting some, banana pudding ice cream....I hate this I feel bad about it now, I know i shouldn't have had it, but its like i didn't have any control....I know i shouldn't keep that stuff in my house, i should just get rid of it, and usually I'm good at not keeping the bad stuff in my house, but lately i have just been craving sweets something feirce.  The simple sugar free pudding cups or sugar free popsicles aren't covering the sweet cravings right now.  I'm thinking about going through my pantry and maybe donating some of the unopened stuff that we shouldn't have to the battered womens shelter down the street i'm sure they could use that stuff way more then i could. 

The Difference Then and Now

The Differences: Then and Now
Then I weighed 366 pounds
Now I weigh 289 and still loosing
Then I couldn't wear Jeans
Now I can wear Jeans Size 28 with a button and zipper, so happy about that.
Then I couldn't go down stairs without my knees killing me for at least a week afterwards
Now i can go down stairs regularly instead of one step with both feet at a time.
Then My belly touched the steering wheel in my car and made it very uncomfortable to drive
Now I have a few inches inbetween the steering wheel and my belly and its comfortable to drive
Then I would get spasms in my side under my left breast if i just moved the wrong way
Now I don't get spasms in my side anymore, i can move any which way
Then I couldn't wipe the front area when i went to the bathroom without having to stand and put my leg up on the bathtub or toilet seat...it really sucked...especially during my period.
Now i can wipe from the front just fine while still sitting on the toilet, and even feel a bit more comfortable in public bathrooms that are usually so small. 
Then i could not go to a movie theater that had the arms where they did not go up.
Now i can go to a dollar theater and fit in the seat just fine.
Then I could not have sex with my husband because it was so extremely painful i would literally be screaming and crying in pain, so we just didn't have any sex for a year and a half because of the pain. 
Now i can have all the sex i want with my husband with no pain whatsoever, and also way flexible, man if i'm this flexible at this weight i can't imagine how flexible i'll be when i loose another 70 pounds or so....I'm sure my hubby will be extremely happy. 
Then it hurt to sit in the chair i'm currently sitting in infront of my computer because it was tight on my hips
Now i have plenty of room in my seat and very comfortable.
Then I couldn't wash a couple of dishes without my lower back killing me
Now I can wash a sink full of dishes with my back feeling fine
Then i could only shop at Catherines
Now i can shop at lane bryant, torrid, factory connection, walmart, dress barn, ross, so many places, and it'll be even more places when i loose more weight...then i'll have to figure out where to shop when i get below the plus size section of clothes...
Then i wore size 34-36
Now I wear a size 22-24 in blouses and a size 28 in jeans
Then i felt ugly
Now i feel beautiful
Then I had no confidence
Now I think my confidence is coming back
Then i couldn't do an elliptical machine without my legs going into spasms after only 30 seconds
Now i can do the elliptical for 10-15 minutes with no problems, and probably even more then that, just don't want to do to much right away, slowly working my way up to being able to do more.
Then i didn't really like my picture taken
Now i love my picture taken.
Then i wore t-shirts and stretchy pants
Now i can wear nice blouses, jeans, skirts, nice shoes, dresses
Well I guess thats all i can think of for now, i'm sure as I loose more weight there will be more and more things i can put on this list, so I'll have another blog like this after another 70 pounds or so....

Forgive is to Forget and I Can't Do That

Well I've had some pretty crazy family drama lately.  I already disowned my mom's entire side of the family back 5 years ago or so when something pretty bad happened to me.  And now my dad's side of the family wants to join them. 
I was all excited planning a trip by myself, never taken a trip without my husband, never been anywhere without him since we've been together, and before him i would drive to mcallen from san antonio all the time to visit family and stuff.  My therapist even thought it was a good idea for me to get out on my own like this.  So I emailed my cousin letting her know I might (not definite yet, wasn't sure if i wanted to go all the way to mcallen at this point, but thought I'd see if I could stay with her and see what her work schedule was like before making a decision) be going to mcallen in oct/nov time frame, I was also going to go to san antonio and visit my parents and maybe go shopping at the outlet malls in san marcos or something.  Instead of her being polite and writing me back she told our family i was going there when i hadn't even told her  i was for sure and without even getting back to me first, I was incredibly pissed about that.  She had no right telling them until i knew for sure, or at least reply to my email how rude. So i get a call from her, saying my great aunt wants to talk to me that i need to call her.  I'm like ok, not knowing what this was going to be about cause at this point i didn't know she blabbed to everyone that i was thinking about going there.  So i call my great aunt, and she offers me $300 to go 10 hours away from my home with a car that needs new brakes and shocks.  I get extremely stressed out about it, because how do i politely tell her that's not enough money with car problems, and politely tell her i just can't go....i was not trying to ask for more money.  I got extremely stressed called my cousin back up,basically hyperventilating, because i didn't know what to do, she said she'd take care of it, and instead of politely telling her i just couldn't make it right now, i mean i was planning on going in oct/nov when i was actually going to have enough money to take care of everything, but they wanted me to go now....how am i just suppose to jump up and go...She made it seems like i was a money grubbing whore and wanted more money out of it.....$300 wouldn't have even covered the gas to get there i have a gas guzzling minivan....bout 24 miles to the gallon if even that, and with gas prices no way, and what about me eating...and drinking and for an emergency if something happened while i was on the road.  Right now we're broke because I've been trying to get the minivan paid off a year early, so any extra money we get has been going directly to the minivan, so we don't have anything right now, no savings no nothing, just paycheck to paycheck and extra to the minivan and that's it. So a couple days after my cousin had me call my great aunt i call her and see if she's talked to anyone yet, she of course hasn't, so each day i send her a message on facebook asking if she's resolved things, and she doesn't have the courtesy to write me back, no instead a week later i get this message (would you come to a funeral?) That message absolutely pissed me off, how the hell does she think a sudden funeral would put enough money in my bank for me to be able to go 10 hours away and also fix my brakes.  That was absolutely rude, and then she tells me her mom was the one that said it and so of course she had to repeat it back to me, like she always does, ever since she was a little kid she's always had to tell me bad things my family has said about me, I have begged her to stop and she hasn't, and yet she had the nerve to call me rude, and immature, and dramatic, because i asked for an apology from her for her telling me that, I think i deserve an apology, no one needs to hear the mean things their family says about them behind their back, for one their family shouldn't say mean things about them behind their back but for her to repeat it to me makes her worse then them.  I just don't understand why she can't just grow up and be mature and responsible for her actions, and just apologize, she's an adult, she's like 24 or 25 and she's still acting like the immature little kid that would run up to me and tell me her mom said I'm fat, or tell me her mom said I'd never get pregnant because I'm to fat, or tell me our grandpa said I'd brake her bed if i slept on it when i slept over.....god i didn't need to know all those horrible things they've said about me and oh yes there were more, why would anyone do that to another human being is beyond me, its like she doesn't have a soul or something, i mean come on, who acts like that, who is so horrible as to repeat the horribleness that their family says back to the person, man way to make me feel part of the family.  Well she's no longer part of my family, I'll still talk to my grandparents and my great aunt, but i don't care to have anything to do with her.  She has no respect for anyone to act like that, such an immature child, she really just needs to grow up already.  She's always had a silver spoon stuck in her mouth, always had everything she ever wanted and it was never good enough. 

My Gastric Sleeve Journey Video 7 June 3, 2011

This my Gastric Sleeve Journey Video 7 from june 3, 2011 at the end of the video i included my little happy dance for hitting twoderville (200s) although at the time i made it i wasn't really that happy i was kinda in a bad mood, depressed, irritable, just not all there really,  had been for the past 3 weeks, i'm feeling a lot better now though.

Falling Apart and Don't know what to do

I think I've been Sabotaging myself, ever since i got into the low 300's and now to the high 200's I've been stressing out really bad, and getting depressed and worried, and it's a time i should be happy and celebrating.  But what it means is I'm getting closer to that point when we're going to start trying for a baby, the big giant reason for this surgery after all, and all i can remember are the several years we tried with no success and the depression that followed, and the emptiness, and the feeling of loss even though there wasn't a loss, because there was never a pregnancy.  I know it's only been 2 months so we still have at the very least 10 more months before we can start trying, but with me dropping the weight like this it just feels more real, and I started to worry about when that time comes and what if......what if we still can't get pregnant, what if i finally do get pregnant and i miscarry, what if i never get pregnant, what if there's something else wrong with me.  I know it's early on to already be stressing about these  things, but i was in so much pain when we were trying before and I really hate to be in all that pain again.  It just hurt so much, it took a big giant emotional toll on me. 

Stressed out and couldn't sleep any longer

Well I woke up at 7 am cause i couldn't sleep anymore, my usual is around 8:30 or later, so that's pretty early for me, uggg.  Yesterday was a pretty good day, Me and my stepson were dropped off at my in laws, and my mother in law took me and my stepson swimming, and to the movies, and to lunch on a lake, and to get yogurt at the mall, we had a lot of fun it was such a great day, but then.....my husband picks us up and as were driving home my cousin gives me a call....saying my great aunt wants to talk to me, that she's out of the hospital now and at home....I'm like ok, so when we get home I give her a call, and she's still pretty out of it from all the meds, and she was talking to me in Spanish, and i don't know Spanish and i told her and she told me "no I'm not" so i just said ok, so i didn't get much of the conversation, except the part where she wants me to go visit, now i was planning a trip in Oct/Nov time when my minivan will be paid off, and we'll be able to get the breaks and shocks fixed, and I'll have spending money, but she wants me to go now, with literally no money, every cent extra we have has been going to the minivan to get it paid off a year early.  She offered 300 dollars for me to go, but that wouldn't even cover the gas to drive more then 10 hours, and what about food and misc, i wanted to go on a trip with money and to be able to have fun, and yea i wanted to go visit my family too, but that's a long way to go with zero money and not even enough gas money, so what am i suppose to tell her, i just told her at the time I'd have to see, but how am i suppose to tell her that's not enough money, it sounds so rude, and uggg, i didn't even ask for any money but i know for  a fact i have zero money to go right now, and won't until my actual planned time to go, and yes she's very sick and might not be around anymore during my planned time to go, but that doesn't mean i can just scrounge up the money to go when i don't have any, we don't have a savings, we live paycheck to paycheck just like most of the country does.  I got so freaken stressed last night after all that, i called my cousin back asking her if she knew what that call was going to be about and she said she did, but thanks for not giving me any heads up, ugggg, i told her all about the call and told her there was no way i could do that, and i started hyperventilating a bit, felt my face get really hot, it was not fun i had to just stop and take a breath cause i was so stressed out.  She said she'll talk to them, hopefully be able to figure something out.  Otherwise as of right now there's just no way i can do it.  So I'll just wait and see what happens i guess.