Monday, June 20, 2011
Falling Apart and Don't know what to do
I think I've been Sabotaging myself, ever since i got into the low 300's and now to the high 200's I've been stressing out really bad, and getting depressed and worried, and it's a time i should be happy and celebrating. But what it means is I'm getting closer to that point when we're going to start trying for a baby, the big giant reason for this surgery after all, and all i can remember are the several years we tried with no success and the depression that followed, and the emptiness, and the feeling of loss even though there wasn't a loss, because there was never a pregnancy. I know it's only been 2 months so we still have at the very least 10 more months before we can start trying, but with me dropping the weight like this it just feels more real, and I started to worry about when that time comes and what if......what if we still can't get pregnant, what if i finally do get pregnant and i miscarry, what if i never get pregnant, what if there's something else wrong with me. I know it's early on to already be stressing about these things, but i was in so much pain when we were trying before and I really hate to be in all that pain again. It just hurt so much, it took a big giant emotional toll on me.
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a someone who has been down that painful road with no success, all i can tell you is.... just live in the moment.. you have already taken the biggest step tward getting there. (the surgery) just let things happen as they are meant to happen.. you are still young enough to try for a while. stop looking at it like a job! enjoy the sex and be present in the moment or you could end up putting a strain on your relationship and extra, unneeded pressure on yourself.. always remember that god has a plan.. he/she will only pick the strongest of people to hurl obsticles in front of and, he never gives more then anyone can handle..
ReplyDeleteif it is meant to happen, it will.. if not, you always have other options. (adoption, surrogate, fostering etc) you have also been blessed with step children.. be happy for what you have, not what you don't.. (and be open to learning the lessons you are given)
it's still very early yet and you have a long way to go.. why worry about stuff like this now? you might end up being just fine when the time comes to try.. stop sabbotaging yourself!!