Everything is Hard

Well its been awhile since i've posted, been through alot this past year, it'll be a year soon since i found out i was pregnant last year and 5 days later found out i was going to loose the baby.  We still haven't been able to get pregnant again.  My weight keeps creeping back up on me.  August my body went numb, and i went to the emergency room, stayed in the hospital for a week, only to find out I have multiple sclerosis, as if everything else i've already been through wasn't enough i got this shoved in my face.  I'm absolutely heartbroken, i feel hopeless, I'm in pain physically and emotionally, everything is hard for me.  We got told we couldn't adopt because of the ms diagnosis at least not for a year from when we told the adoption people, because of a major life change....so we changed to cps which we haven't heard back from, we keep trying to contact them and no ones telling us anything, so no clue if they've even got our paperwork from the original adoption company we were working with or not, it seems hopeless.  I haven't wanted to leave my house the past several weeks, i've been really depressed, and last week my upper arms started hurting and haven't stopped, they feel sore and they feel raw when rubbed up against something like my clothes or couch or something.  I have to take daily injections for the multiple sclerosis, most of the numbness went away, except for in my hands, so anything with a texture pretty much hurts to touch.  We started fertility meds (clomid) this month hope to get pregnant and have a healthy baby, i go in for blood tests tomorrow to see if i ovulated.

Weigh in and Measurements November 1, 2011

Note: Just Copied over the same Stats as last month cause i haven't lost any weight, well like 1 pound or something, it fluctuates between 270 and 274.

November 1, 2011

Weight:  273

Measurements

Waist: 52

Hips: 57

Breasts: 50

Ankle: 10

Wrist: 7 1/2

Thigh: 29

Neck: 16

Upper Arms: 19

Clothing Sizes

Dress: 2X-3X

Pant: 2X-3X Jeans 26

Skirt: 2X-3X

Shirt: 2X-3X 18-24

Note: I have been on a major stall for the past few monthes, my weight fluctuates a few pounds up or down, but its basically staying around 273 for now, I really need to get my butt into gear and shape up, I’ve been working out almost every day at least for 30 minutes or sometimes more, they said at the support group meeting that we need to work out 60 to 90 minutes at least for weight loss, so that pretty much sucks, my body doesn’t want to work out that long right now, I can probably manage an hour but I spread it throughout the day, I do intervals of working out 10-15 minutes at a time several times a day, either doing my elliptical which I try to do at least 3 miles a day on or do other exercises off exercise videos from hulu.  My eating habits aren’t that great though, I haven’t managed to get down to the 3 meals a day the surgeon wants me to be on.  Plus I still indulge in things I really shouldn’t be indulging in.  I’m trying to do better, I’ve been drinking a lot more water then I was, I don’t think I was getting enough liquids in, and all I was drinking was wylers light its like crystal light but cheaper and tastes a little better….but I quit that stuff and now just drinking water with the occational cup of coolaide made with splenda, trying to take out other artificial sweeteners and just using splenda.  I have a ton more energy, I can actually run some, not very far but still its an awesome feeling to be able to run, I can walk around our park without being out of breath or in severe pain, I tried it back when I was 366 and oh my god I could barely make it around the thing and my back was killing me, now I can run around a portion and walk and switch back and forth between walking and running and feel fine, no pains at all, and not out of breath, its so nice.  

Whats going on right now

Well i weighed myself this morning i'm 274, which is good, cause i've been stuck at 277 for like the past month, and finally it seems to be starting to go down more.  I got an elliptical last weekend, so i've been starting to use that, but i had to start out slow, cause i hadn't worked out in 2 monthes, the first month because i was out of town for most of the month and the second month cause i was really depressed and not really caring about anything, i wasn't eating good, i was eating horribly actually, and i certainly wasn't exercising, and now i got my schedule all out of wack, and it takes a while to get it back in tune, i like having the schedule where i go to sleep with my husband and then wake up when he's leaving for work, that schedule keeps me feeling the best, when i get to much sleep which i've been getting lately i feel crappy and just plain uggg and blah.  So i really need to try to fix my schedule.
I cut off all my hair or at least most of it, have a really short do, and i died it bleach blonde, but it came out a little orangeish.  I like it, i like to try new cuts and colors and things with my hair, i figure it'll grow back anyways....i really like it short like this though, when its long all i ever want to do it wear it in a ponytail cause i don't like the feeling of my hair on the back of my neck. I'll add photos in another post i haven't put them on my computer yet.