Living With MS

First off let me say Living with MS SUCKS.
I hate this disease and I hate the fears associated with this disease.
Everything is harder, I can't do the things I used to be able to do.
Doctors are now going to ASSume every symptom I complain about is MS even if its not.
I can't go grocery shopping without hurting.
Most places are to hot for me, even if they feel comfortable to someone else, its to hot for me, even just a half drop in my temperature and I "freak out" and my neurologist says this is NORMAL.
Whats NORMAL anymore?
Life as I once knew it is over, and all I have left is this shell of a life I'm living in.
I don't have my health.
When I get overheated it starts with pins and needles feeling all over my back, and then my hands start to swell and then the numbness that never went away in my hands gets worse, and more painful, and then my whole body starts to hurt, I have to get in cool air, infront of an airconditioner or fan in order for it to stop hurting, once my body temp goes back down I'm fine.
The action of simply walking hurts my hands and arms and back.  I have a pretty big lesion right in the middle of my spine that swells whenever I do to much, and unfortionately to much is not very much, simply walking to the end of walmart to where the milk is can cause me pain.
My Brain is foggy, and I'm forgetful ALOT, this sucks.  I'm pretty sure I've had the foggy brain since I was 25, things just started to seem more difficult.  Its harder to concentrate or remember things I've read.  Just playing a board game with my family gives me problems, the other day I was playing with my husband and stepson and I could never remember when it was my turn or who I went after, see the game we played before we went clockwise, but for some reason they decided to go counterclockwise with this second game and every single time it was another turn I'd have to ask if it was mine because I forgot who I went after, and that really sucks.
I'm scared of what the summer will bring the heat is very scary for me, although the winter isn't exactly the greatest either because to many places have their heaters way to hot even on days its not at all cold outside so going anywhere is like suffering because of the heat.
Itchiness sucks, your skin just feels yucky, no other way to really explain it.
My eyes go numb when I cry, think of when you go get your eyes dialated and that numbing stuff they put in there that feels just awful,well thats how my eyes get when I get emotional, it sucks.
My right leg throbs, I can't go to the movies without it hurting my leg, I always have to sit behind a bar so my legs can be up otherwise if that area is full of people I have to leave and get my money back because I just can't handle sitting in one of the chairs where I can't put my legs up.  Which also means its hard for me to drive, haven't really driven much since I've been diagnosed back in aug, I only go to my therapist which is only about 5 min away, but today I found out driving about half an hour is way to much for me and my right leg starts throbbing so bad, it just hurts so much.
Just doing household chores is hard, folding hanging putting up laundry, can't do it all at once, have to take breaks in between so much.
Sweeping hurts my back.  Doing the dishes feels awful on my hands because of the numbness.  Touching towels or paper towels are just awful but you have to touch that stuff, but anything with texture hurts my hands and just feels awful.
I've been noticing a bit of balance issues, sort of walking like i'm drunk every now and then, that sucks, luckily I haven't had any falls, really not looking forward to that.
I get dizzy every now and then, the room starts spinning and I just have to close my eyes and put my head down, luckily this doesn't happen as often as it did when I first got out of the hospital.
Having to take daily injections really sucks, at least I have my husband to give them to me.
There are days that I just want to crawl into a hold and not come out.  There are days I just cry and cry because of this awful disease.  There are days when I ask why me?  But then I think Why Anyone?  This is an awful disease, and it has the ability to be all diseases in one, and can destroy someones life.
I'm afraid every day of the next attack, when it will be, what it will be, what new disability or symptoms or meds will i have to endure?  I hate living my life every day in FEAR.  I don't deserve this, no one deserves this disease.  This is a living hell.  All I can do is wait and pray that tomorrow I'll be ok.  And maybe one day they'll find a cure.